Better Relationships - Lesson # 2
"I See," Said the Blind Man !

 

In the next few minutes, you will be able to "see" something that has been around you all of your life. You will learn something very simple and VERY POWERFUL about yourself and others! Read on, because you are about to "see" what I mean.

When I was 36 years old, I had a blind spot in my life - that blind spot was "people."  Although I was quite "successful," I still struggled to understand what made other people tick. This was true even though I was a "people person." The truth is that I did not even have a clear understanding of myself! Thankfully, a friend of mine shared some powerful information with me that I now want to share with you. This information helped me to understand that each person sees life in his or her own way.

You and I look at life from our OWN perspective. That is only natural. What if we could see life from the perspective of others? That would be "super" natural!  You can, but first, you must recognize one basic fact:

Discovery:
People have their OWN built-in Perspective on life

Each person's perspective is built in to who they are. Some people call it personality. Some refer to it as temperament. I am sure that some of your family and friends are VERY different from you. If you are like me, you have often asked yourself, "Why did they do that?" or "What were they thinking?" or "What were they NOT thinking?" A lack of understanding of both ourselves and others can lead to tension, disappointment, hurt feelings, unmet expectations and poor communication. There is a simple key to understanding personality styles that I would like to share with you. When you have the key, you will unlock the mystery of relationships and enjoy a much better life.

The key is to understand the Model of Human Behavior. The model that we use was developed years ago and has been widely used and accepted. I believe that this is the best-known model ever developed to help people on an everyday basis. I believe this, because people can understand this simple model as well as remember it and apply it. I have seen this information change people's lives. That is why I have spent the last 20 years of my life teaching this material. I know what it has done for me, and I know what it can do for you. Everyone has blind spots. I love to see the sparkle in someone's eyes when that person finally "gets it" and exclaims, "Now I see it!" You will too! Now let's dig in ...

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The Model of Human Behavior

The model of human behavior is based on 2 foundational observations about how people normally behave:

Observation #1: Some people are more outgoing, while others are more reserved. You can think of this as each person's "internal motor." Some people always seem ready to "go" and "dive in." They engage their motor quickly. Others tend to engage their motor more slowly or more cautiously.

Observation # 2: Some people are more task-oriented, while others are more people-oriented. You can think of this as each person's compass that guides them. Some people are focused on getting something done; others are more tuned-in to the people around them and their feelings.

With both observations, we want to emphasize that these behavioral tendencies are neither right or wrong or good or bad. They are just different. We are simply identifying normal behavior styles. People have different styles, and that is okay.

We represent these 2 observations in the diagrams below.

	The Model of Human Behavior
	Observation	Diagram
	Some people are more outgoing; others are more reserved. This is our "internal motor."
	Some people are more task-oriented; others are more people-oriented. This is our "internal compass."

Thus, we have 4 behavioral tendencies to help us characterize people:

• Outgoing
• Reserved
• Task-oriented
• People-oriented

Of course, everyone has some of all 4 of these tendencies at different times and in different situations. However, most people typically have 1 or 2 of these tendencies that seem to fit them well in their everyday behavior. And, on the other hand, 1 or 2 of these tendencies usually do not fit them well, and these tendencies may even seem "foreign" to their approach to life. The balance of these 4 tendencies shapes the way each person "sees" life and those around them.

By combining the 2 previous diagrams, we can show 4 basic quadrants of the circle as shown below:

Thus, 4 basic personality traits emerge from our diagram corresponding to the 4 quadrants of the circle:

(In clockwise order)

Here is what I want you to do next... answer the multiple-choice questions below. This will only take a few minutes. Earlier, I said that the key is understanding the Model of Human Behavior. It is more accurate to say that the key is applying what you learn! This next short exercise is an important part of applying this information.

Click here to Print These Pages

 

Better Relationships:    Growth Sheet # 2

1.   Write your name in the blank below. Next, put a check mark by the traits that seem to fit you most of the time. (Note: As I stated previously, "Everyone has some of all 4 of these tendencies at different times and in different situations." For now, simply get started by chosing the traits that you believe fit you most of the time.)

Your name: ____________________________

(chose one)
____ Outgoing
____ Reserved

(chose one)
____ Task-oriented
____ People-oriented

 

2.  Refer back to the 3 people that you listed in Growth Sheet #1 in the previous lesson. Next, put a check mark by the traits that seem to fit them most of the time (as in step 1 above). Click here to refer back to lesson #1.

Person #1: ____________________________

(chose one)
____ Outgoing
____ Reserved

(chose one)
____ Task-oriented
____ People-oriented

Person #2: ____________________________

(chose one)
____ Outgoing
____ Reserved

(chose one)
____ Task-oriented
____ People-oriented

Person #3: ____________________________

(chose one)
____ Outgoing
____ Reserved

(chose one)
____ Task-oriented
____ People-oriented

3.   Finally, refer back to the name of the person that you wrote down in Growth Sheet #1 (Lesson #1) with whom you feel like you have a difficult relationship.  Next, put a check mark by the traits that seem to fit him or her most of the time (as in steps 1 and 2 above).

Person #4: ____________________________

(chose one)
____ Outgoing
____ Reserved

(chose one)
____ Task-oriented
____ People-oriented

In the Lesson #3, we will look at the 4 main personality styles in depth. Please stick with the next two short lessons! Lesson #3 will help you to understand the model better, and Lesson #4 will show you how to apply your knowledge with the important people you listed. You are one step closer to enjoying BETTER RELATIONSHIPS! 

Until next time,

Robert A. Rohm, Ph.D.

P.S. If you have finished the worksheet above and want to move on to lesson #3 - "The 4 Main Personality Styles", click here.  If you would like to refer back to lesson #1 - "Are you Aware" click here.