www.DiscoveryReport.com

Better Relationships - Lesson # 4
Relating Better by Adapting to Others

This lesson is where the rubber meets the road! We have talked about the 4 personality styles and the DISC Model of Human Behavior. Now, we are going to talk about how you can use the DISC information in everyday life.  My passion has been to make DISC easy to understand and easy to apply. With the charts included in this lesson, you will have a simple guide to adapt your behavior to enjoy BETTER RELATIONSHIPS. Please read this last lesson with an open mind and a willingness to adjust your own behavior. When you learn how to do this, you will certainly be able to improve the way you connect with other people.

Discovery:
DISC is our TOOL to BUILD Bridges for Communication

First, let's get totally honest about ourselves. I must confess that there were times when I used this information as a way to label other people as well as make excuses for myself. Labels and excuses never led me to BETTER RELATIONSHIPS. This information has been tremendously helpful when I used it as a tool to build bridges of communication rather than as an excuse to build walls that hinder communication. I share this with you, because I am convinced that a sincere and genuine desire to connect with someone is the correct purpose for using this information. We are not going to try to fix anyone else. We are going to control our own behavior. With this in mind, let's get going.


Here is the DISC Model of Human Behavior for your reference:

DISC model

In order to adapt to another person to build better bridges of communication, it is important to understand the dynamics of how different personality styles interact. There are some simple charts in this lesson that will show you what these dynamics look like. The charts identify some of the natural strengths from which your relationships can benefit. They also identify some of the struggles that you are likely to face in the relationship. Lastly, they provide some strategies on interacting with others in a way that will lead to BETTER RELATIONSHIPS. The 4 charts are shown below. Pick the one that corresponds to your primary personality type. For example, if you are primarily a Dominant (D) type, you will pick the first chart below. Read over the chart that applies to you, and then proceed to Growth Sheet #4 at the end of this lesson.

The Dominant (D) Type's
"Guide to Better Relationships":
 
Relating with someone who is primarily:
Strengths, Struggles and Strategies of Your Relationship
Dominant (D)

Strengths: Your mutual goals, admiration, and the desire to get results can be very positive and affirming.
Struggles: Power struggles are the most challenging. Neither of you want to back down or give up or compromise.
Strategies: Don't forces issues. Allow this person to have some choices, control and authority. Don't argue or give ultimatums. Be direct and stick to business.

Inspiring (I)

Strengths: Both of you are fast paced. This person may desire to please you and follow your leadership.
Struggles: Your focus on getting things done can clash with this person's desire to have fun and "take-life-as-it-comes." This person does not share your drive to complete tasks. This person's focus is on people rather than on tasks.
Strategies: Realize that this person does not usually focus on one thing, rather he or she focuses on many things. Help Inspiring (I) types finish tasks by working WITH them. Make things FUN! Allow them to talk and socialize. Be positive and willing to express approval to them. Be accepting of their expressions of emotion and feelings.

Supportive (S)

Strengths: You like to lead, and this personality type likes to follow and help. A supportive person will feel secure as long as you show controlled, stable behavior.
Struggles: If you come on too strong, this person can feel intimidated and will take it personally. You may misunderstand this person's softhearted, easygoing nature as being "weak." That may bring hurt or rejection. Remember that this person's focus is on people, and he or she tends to be slower paced.
Strategies: Be patient and willing to spell things out, step-by step when working on tasks. Communicate in a calmer, softer manner. Relax, and do not push. Express appreciation often.  Be sincere.

Cautious (C)
Strengths: Both of you focus on tasks and enjoy working independently. With this person's attention to detail, you can accomplish a lot together.
Struggles: You tend to move quickly, whereas this person likes to think things through. Your focus is to get things done now, and his or her focus is to get things done right. Your desire to control things may discourage a cautious person, because this person does not like to feel pressured.
Strategies: Do not rush or push this person. Do not criticize a cautious person. Be patient, and give him or her time to make decisions. Be willing to answer this person's questions and provide information in a polite manner. Do not expect this person to be a risk-taker like you.

Remember:

People are important. Don't be overly "pushy." Allow others to go at their own pace.

 

The Inspiring (I) Type's
"Guide to Better Relationships":
 
Relating with someone who is primarily:
Strengths, Struggles and Strategies of Your Relationship
Dominant (D)

Strengths: You both are outgoing and activity-driven. Both of you like to win. You may admire the strengths and achievements of this person.
Struggles: You may find the other person to be too controlling, while you are too permissive. You are more social, while the other person is more task-driven.
Strategies: Understand that a D-type person is direct and results-oriented. Be more direct, and get to the point with him or her. Do not be afraid of confrontation. Expect it, and do not take it personally. Work first, and THEN have fun.

Inspiring (I)

Strengths: Both of you live enthusiastically and enjoy being with people. You both like to have fun and tend to forgive easily.
Struggles: Both of you tend to live emotionally and may compete for attention. Both of you are impulsive, and that can lead to challenges with following through with responsibilities and staying organized.
Strategies: Remember to listen to the other person, because he or she likes to talk as much as you do. When working on important tasks, keep each other accountable, and be clear about who is responsible for what. Give sincere recognition of this person's abilities, ideas and contributions.

Supportive (S)
Strengths: Both of you are people-oriented. You like to talk and the other person likes to listen. You tend to get along very well.
Struggles: Most struggles are related to pace. You like things fast-paced, exciting, spontaneous and with high energy. The other person likes things to be more calm, quiet and predictable.
Strategies: Slow down your approach. Tone down your enthusiasm. Be sincere with praise and appreciation. Do not embarrass this person in public. Allow this person time to warm up and open up to you.
Cautious (C)
Strengths: Your opposite strengths provide a good balance to each other's weaknesses. You can learn from the other person's analytical nature, and this person can learn not to take things so seriously and to have more fun.
Struggles: Your differences can lead to misunderstandings. You love to talk and be on the go, but the other person likes time alone. You are much more verbal, and it is easy for you to miss the other person's more indirect way of sharing concerns.
Strategies: Tone down your emotional reactions. Be more factual and objective, especially in the face of conflict. Do not rush or push this person. Be specific in your communication, and expect this person to speak literally and to take things literally.
Remember:

Listening is important! Tasks must be completed. Stay focused!

 

The Supportive (S) Type's
" Guide to Better Relationships":
 
Relating with someone who is primarily:
Strengths, Struggles and Strategies of Your Relationship
Dominant (D)

Strengths: You are a good supporter and encourager for this driven person who seeks to achieve and exert leadership.
Struggles: This person can exhaust you by being controlling or by expecting instant action. You like to relax and go slow, but the other person does everything with a sense of urgency. You can become stressed, and this dominant person can become impatient.
Strategies: Do not take it personally when this person takes action without you. Be more firm and results-oriented with this person. Be more direct, decisive and action-oriented when you deal with this person.

Inspiring (I)

Strengths: You tend to get along well, because you are both people-oriented. You both provide praise and appreciation to each other which you both need to feel good about yourselves.
Struggles: Your biggest struggle will be keeping up with the pace of this person. This person likes excitement and activity, but you like things to be slower and calmer. Inspiring (I) type people have a large social circle, and that can seem overwhelming to you.
Strategies: Be more outgoing and energetic with this person. An inspiring person is very impulsive. Be careful not to let this person talk you into something. Set some limits, and do not feel pressured by this person's energy. Realize that he or she moves in large social circles, so do not take it personally if this person seems to give you fragmented attention.

Supportive (S)
Strengths: You have a lot in common and enjoy being with each other. Both of you like a relaxed, personal atmosphere.
Struggles: The main struggle is in the area of communication. You both talk indirectly and do not insist on your own way. Neither of you like to make hard decisions. Neither of you like conflict or tension, so you avoid bringing up unpleasant issues.
Strategies: Be willing to take more initiative and to be more decisive. Realize that some conflict and change is healthy. Draw out how the other person feels, and be willing to honestly share how you feel. Do not hide hurt feelings. Get issues and feelings out on the table and discuss them.
Cautious (C)
Strengths: Both of you are slower paced. Neither of you is pushy, and you both prefer to avoid conflict. You can enjoy being together without a lot of conversation.
Struggles: You tend to be sensitive while the other person has a tendency towards being critical. Your feelings-oriented nature can clash with the other person's logic-oriented nature. You want warm relationships, but the other person can seem more cold and impersonal to you.
Strategies: Do not take this person's questioning, critical nature personally. This person likes to think deeply and analyze everything. Be willing to give in-depth answers. Do not push this person into closeness. Realize that this person is more task-oriented than people-oriented, so he or she may not be as warm or sensitive as you are.
Remember:

It is alright to say, "No." Trust your own judgment.  Be more confident.

 

The Cautious (C) Type's
"Guide to Better Relationships": 

Relating with someone who is primarily:
Strengths, Struggles and Strategies of Your Relationship
Dominant (D)

Strengths: Both of you share a similar bent toward accomplishing tasks. As long as you share the same goals, you can be very effective as a team.
Struggles: You may have conflict if you take different approaches to accomplishing a task. You want things done "right," and this person is focused on getting things done quickly. "Right" to the D-type is seldom complicated in his or her mind. They may think that you are over-analyzing things, while you may think that he or she is being too hasty.
Strategies: Accept the fact that the D-type person needs to have some control and the ability to take some action. Allow this person to take some risks. Do not criticize or expect perfection. Instead, be willing to recognize and affirm this D-type person's accomplishments. Try to see his or her perspective rather than arguing your point.

Inspiring (I)

Strengths: Your strengths balance each other out. You need the other person's freshness and fun, and the other person needs your discipline and logic.
Struggles: Because you are opposites in personality, you may have a hard time understanding each other. You may not relate to this person's talkative, outgoing nature, and he or she may not relate to your analytical, cautious nature. Your standards may be too high for this person. You may naturally withhold the praise that this person thrives on.
Strategies: You must modify your expectations of this person. Realize that this person will never have the attention to detail that you do. Look for this person's strengths, and be generous with recognition and approval. Give your undivided attention. Listen enthusiastically to his or her stories. Most of all, do not push for perfection, or this person may become discouraged or disillusioned and quit.

Supportive (S)
Strengths: Both of you like to take things slowly. You both enjoy a low-key relationship that is free from conflict.
Struggles: You may become frustrated when this person does not appear to think things through the way you do or share your enthusiasm for key details. This person is feelings-oriented, so you may come across as cold and impersonal.
Strategies: Be aware of your focus on doing tasks correctly versus this person's focus on peace and security in relationships. Be more warm and personal with this person. Be careful not to criticize. Rather, show sincere appreciation for any effort that the other person makes. Do not set your standards too high, or this person may feel inadequate or simply give up.
Cautious (C)
Strengths: Both of you like to work hard on projects and focus on details and quality. You both tend to be serious and factual in your conversations.
Struggles: There can be trouble when both of you disagree on what is "right." One of you is "right," but the other one is "more right!" Both of you can quickly shut down and withdraw. Both of you tend to wage a war of indirect communication.
Strategies: Be open and flexible when this person suggests a different way of doing something. Be very careful with any criticism, because you know that criticism of your own work is one of your own greatest fears. Do not set your standards so high that the other person feels he or she may not be able to reach them. Be specific with words of encouragement. Tell this person exactly what he or she did correctly and why you liked it.
Remember:

People are important. Remember that no one is perfect. Do not overanalyze everything.

 

 

Now let's apply this information in our next Growth Sheet!

 


Here is what I want you to do next... answer the questions below. Again, refer back to the list of names that you used in the previous Growth Sheets. This should take about 5 minutes.

Click here to Print These Pages

 

Better Relationships:    Growth Sheet # 4

1.  Refer back to the 3 people that you listed in the Growth Sheets in the previous lessons. Write the names of those three people below. Next, go to the information section of your own D, I, S, or C "Guide to Better Relationships." Then, list the strengths, struggles and strategies in your relationship with the 3 people that you listed. Refer to the chart, but feel free to use your own words.

Click here to refer back to lesson #1. Click here to refer back to lesson #2. Click here to refer back to lesson #3.

     

Person #1: _______________________________________________ Their Style: _________________

Strength of your relationship:  ______________________________________________________________________________________

Struggle of your relationship: ______________________________________________________________________________________

Strategy of your relationship: ______________________________________________________________________________________

 

Person #2: _______________________________________________ Their Style: _________________

Strength of your relationship
:  ______________________________________________________________________________________

Struggle of your relationship: ______________________________________________________________________________________

Strategy of your relationship: ______________________________________________________________________________________

 

Person #3: _______________________________________________ Their Style: _________________

Strength of your relationship
:  ______________________________________________________________________________________

Struggle of your relationship: ______________________________________________________________________________________

Strategy of your relationship: ______________________________________________________________________________________

2    Finally, refer back to the name of the person you wrote down in the previous Growth Sheets with whom you feel like you have a difficult relationship.  Write that name below. Continue the exercise just like you did with the 3 people above.

Person #4: _______________________________________________ Their Style: _________________
Strength of your relationship
:  ______________________________________________________________________________________

Struggle of your relationship: ______________________________________________________________________________________

Strategy of your relationship: ______________________________________________________________________________________

Congratulations!! You have completed the 4-part course on BETTER RELATIONSHIPS. I hope that you are excited about applying what you have learned so far!

Highlights to Remember:

1) You cannot Beware of something until you are first Aware of something.
2) People have their own built-in perspective on life.
3) We can adapt our behavior to better meet the needs of others.
4) DISC is a tool to build bridges for communication.
5) A sincere and genuine desire to connect with someone is the key to using this information correctly.

You cannot control anyone else, but you can control yourself. Above all else, remember Rohm's Rule for Personality Styles - "The one who knows this information is the one responsible for using it!" In other words, you cannot expect someone who does not know this information to use it. Since you know it, the ball is in your court. You will be the winner for using this information!

I am excited that you can now use the DISC information to help you enjoy BETTER RELATIONSHIPS!  Keep growing!

Sincerely,

Robert A. Rohm, Ph.D.

P.S.

If you would like to refer back to lesson #1 - "Are you Aware" click here.
If you would like to refer back to lesson #2 - "I See!" click here.
If you would like to refer back to lesson #3 - "The 4 Main Personality Styles" click here

 

Copyright 2004-2012  www.discoveryreport.com   All rights reserved.